Where I've been is where I'm going?

Long time no post I know.

The past year has kind of been.... well it's been.

I spent a lot of time at home, alone.

I helped with John Paul's aging grandparents for a time, then grandpa's time was over. I treasure that time I spent with him. I feel like I knew his grandpa more than I knew my own. I wasn't scared of him. He told me stories of the way things were. He told me that he cared about me. I never had that from a grandpa before.

I spent time cleaning for a friend. It was nice to have a "job."

John Paul appreciates the house being clean, bills being paid, and cupboards and fridge being full.

I find joy in taking care of the house. Being a housewife is an important role. I had a job for a few weeks, and it was hard to spend time with John Paul because the time we would have spent together I had to do all the things I would have done during the day.

John Paul transferred with work, so we are living in Broken Arrow, just outside Tulsa. I'm excited for the change, but he started back to work this week, and I'm feeling blue.

Do I find a "real" job to make money? Do I stay at home and be lonely and, not going to deny it, bored? Do I volunteer and be socially and mentally stimulated but make no money?

God has a plan for my life. He has a reason for my being alive. I'm seeking His face, but I have no idea. I want it to be clear and man, how many more days do I have to sit in this new house crying waiting to hear from Him?

I'm so blessed that I don't have to have a job today. There aren't a stack of bills waiting to be paid. I'm blessed that John Paul can cover our responsibilities. I feel a little bad for being so upset about not knowing what I "should" do with with my life.