thinking...

I was thinking about what it means to be loved, how people show love, and what an impact it made on people.

In my extreme loneliness, I reached out to the big world out there, and found that there were more than a few people who cared for me. I really am blessed by that fact, and grateful.

I know I'd rather be near all those great people, but I suppose I'll make it knowing that they are sending their love in whatever way they can. It's a comfort to know that I'd have a lot of hugs if I just didn't live so far away.

So, I may be far away, but thanks for not forgetting about me and caring about me.

Oh, and I'm really glad John Paul is here to actually give me a hug. He's been so sweet in my crazy I just want to move away from Houston moments. Neither of us is crazy about this town, but at least we have each other!

love you! *hugs*

feeling sorry for myself

So the last 2 weeks John Paul's been at a training meeting for his company. They put him up in a hotel about 30-45 minutes away so he would be near the meeting center. I've got to see him a little when it worked out with my work schedule.

When I've not been up there or at work I've been lonely. Like pain in my chest just want to be near another person who cares about me hurts so bad sometimes its tough to breath. I feel like a total loser. I know I'm not all alone in the world. I know there are people who care about me, and I'm blessed by that fact. Right now I'm crying because none of those people are even close, and I don't know when I'll get to see most of them again will be. I know we will go home sometime, but not sure when.

I'm glad I have a job, and am helping pay bills, but a little part of me wishes I hadnt' found one yet so I could just go home, and get hugged every day (not that JP doesn't hug me, but I'm going on a big shortage here) I wanna laugh with friends, I wanna have a braums ice cream and share my heart, I want to go to church and visit my church family.

I'm still strugging with not finding a church home here. We've been going, but really haven't connected with anyone, and am finding it hard to figure out how to get plugged in. I don't need to know all 400 people, knowing one and developing a friendship would do my mental health a lot of good. there are nice ladies at the Nazarene church, but that's not where JP wants to go, and I've been working most Sundays anyway. Work is really awesome, and I get saturdays off so I can go to church.

Sorry, you had to hear my pity party. I know it will get better. I'm just in a valley. Gotta have the vally to know the mt top right? It still hurts, but we serve a great God right. I'm sure there's something better just up the hillside. Just gotta make it to the hillside to start climbing!

So good, I had to share

For Christmas, mom got me a pan, that could make little bowls. So, I fired up the oven and made some cornbread bowls, filled them (or overfilled) with taco meat, ranch beans, corn, cheese and salsa. It was so pretty, I couldn't help but take a picture to post. It tasted pretty good too! I'm thinking that little cakes that hold a scoop of ice cream sound too good to resist! I'm going to have cornbread and milk for breakfast. Makes me miss Ganny just thinking of all the times we'd pull warm cornbread from the oven, and pour cold milk over it. Hope they microwave ok!!

Home again....

We had a a great week (sortof) celebrating Christmas!

It started out a little rough with braving a snowstorm, closed roads, and all sorts of winter hindrances to our trip home. Christmas day it took 9 hours to get from South of Ft. Worth to Chickasha. Putting that into perspective it took 8ish hours to get from Chickasha to HOUSTON yesterday.

Exhausted from our trip, we spent time with family opening packages before crashing and burning. Christmas with my family was good, it just seemed to happen with one person at a time. A friend said we were having a Christmas to remember, but it was so sad that it was not family oriented like it used to.

We went skiing for a week with John Paul's family. It was so fun. I ended up only skiing 2 out of 5 days, but really enjoyed the trip. I skied a lot better than last year, and look forward to going next year.

We made it back to Chickasha, minus my bag which was lost at the airport, did a little more Christmas, and slept, just to wake up and head out. It was so hard only being in town for about 36 hours. Mom and dad drove me home from the airport just to spend an hour with me. They were awesome and took me to Braums, because I'd been 6 months without a Braum's Milkshake. Too long, if you were wondering.

We drove the whole way home yesterday, and when we arrived at our house in Houston. When I opened the door I just wanted to cry. It was big, cold and empty. There wasn't a warm hug or hello, and it just felt so empty. We both are a little sad to be back at "home" I hope this gets easier.